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"What a FIGHTER!": Susan Boyle reveals secret health scare during comeback

<p>Singing sensation Susan Boyle surprised her fans with an unexpected appearance on<em> Britain’s Got Talent </em>for the competition’s extravagant final. </p> <p>Boyle, who had previously appeared on the show herself in 2009, took to the stage with the cast of the West End’s <em>Les Miserables</em> for a performance of the song ‘I Dreamed a Dream’ - the same one she auditioned with when she was a competitor. </p> <p>And fans were treated to one more song, with the ensemble joining Boyle for a rendition of ‘Do You Hear The People Sing?’ too. </p> <p>Once the crowd’s delighted applause had quietened, Britain’s Got Talent hosts Ant and Dec approached Boyle, gushing over her as they welcomed her back to the stage. </p> <p>“It is so lovely to see you,” Dec declared. “It’s hard to believe you appeared on this show in 2009 - fourteen years ago. How does it feel to be back at <em>BGT</em>?” </p> <p>“It feels great,” Susan told him, to further cheering from the audience. </p> <p>She went on to share that the whole affair was “extra special” to her, before revealing that “last April there, I suffered a minor stroke.”</p> <p>The theatre was quiet, everyone taken by surprise, before Boyle announced that she’d “fought like crazy to get back on stage, and I have done it.”</p> <p>As Dec shared that they were “thrilled” to hear of her triumphant return, cheers rang out once again, and applause echoed throughout the room in celebration of Boyle. </p> <p>When judge Simon Cowell - who was present for Boyle’s audition as well - was asked how it felt to see her back on the stage, he noted that it was “unbelievable”. </p> <p>“Susan, we owe you so much,” he said, “and I knew you weren't well, but if anyone was going to come back, you were going to come back, because we wouldn't be the same without you. You are amazing."</p> <p>And when clips from her performance, and following reveal, made it online, fans wasted no time in sharing their love and support for the singer. </p> <p>“Huge huge respect for Susan Boyle,” one wrote. “Post stroke and absolutely smashing it on BGT tonight! Incredible!”</p> <p>“Good for her! Great to see her back!” another said. “Never ever be defined by an illness or disability. Never.”</p> <p>“Aww! Susan Boyle is an absolute superstar in every sense of the word, so humble,” one gushed. “It’s so good to see her back with her microphone!”</p> <p>And as someone else put it, “bless Susan Boyle, she spent her entire life not realising her full potential as a West End singer, to then go on to be one of the biggest stars to come out of #BGT. Her performance tonight had passion; she has real HEART and her having a stroke last year - what a FIGHTER!”</p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> <p dir="ltr" lang="en">⭐ STAGEY SMILE OF THE DAY ⭐</p> <p>Here's Lucie Jones &amp; Susan Boyle performing "I Dreamed A Dream" from Les Misérables, for the BGT grand final 🇫🇷 ✨ X x x <a href="https://t.co/nmIB5eo29c">pic.twitter.com/nmIB5eo29c</a></p> <p>— Theatre Fan (@ShaunTossell) <a href="https://twitter.com/ShaunTossell/status/1665467122053443586?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 4, 2023</a></p></blockquote> <p><em>Images: Twitter</em></p>

Caring

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"I still don't know what I did wrong": Susan Sarandon reflects on breaking royal protocol

<p dir="ltr">Susan Sarandon has opened up her brush with royalty, and how she was slammed for "breaking royal protocol". </p> <p dir="ltr">The 76-year-old actress recalled attending the Royal Windsor Cup at Guards Polo Club with her youngest son in 2018, where she met Queen Elizabeth. </p> <p dir="ltr">Sarandon said she was given conflicting advice about what to do when she came face-to-face with Her Majesty, as she explains in the documentary Portrait of the Queen.</p> <p dir="ltr">"[When] I got to to England and my friends were like, 'do not bow, whatever you do don't bow, that is so passe'," Sarandon recalled.</p> <p dir="ltr">"You know, there's this push and pull about whether and how much respect you're going to give to the royal family and whatever. They said to me 'don't bow. Do not bow' and I thought, 'well, I'm going to be respectful'."</p> <p dir="ltr">When the day arrived, Sarandon and her son Miles were seated in a different section, where she received a briefing from a royal aide before the Queen arrived for their meeting. </p> <p dir="ltr">"They said: 'Don't ask her any questions. [If] she talks to you, it's okay but don't ask her anything. And this is what you have to do, you know, bow when she comes'," Sarandon recalls.</p> <p dir="ltr">"So I'm all stressed out, I think, 'am I going to bow or am I not going to bow?'</p> <p dir="ltr">"So anyway, the moment came when they finally said: 'Okay, it's your turn to meet the Queen'. And here is what happened - she was sitting down!</p> <p dir="ltr">"So of course, I had to bend over to shake her hand and so it looked like a curtsy. So, at the end of the day, I kind of did bow and the headlines still said after all of that, that I had gone against protocol somehow. I still don't know what I did wrong."</p> <p dir="ltr">At the time, the British press condemned the actress for breaking royal protocol by initiating a handshake with the Queen. </p> <p dir="ltr">Despite the semantics of their meeting, Sarandon said her brief encounter with Her Majesty was perfectly pleasant. </p> <p dir="ltr">"She was lovely to me," Sarandon says.</p> <p dir="ltr">"I don't think we had a very long conversation. I think it was kind of just 'Oh, it's so nice to meet you'. And, and I said 'it's so nice to meet you'. And I remembered that you can't ask her anything."</p> <p dir="ltr">"So that definitely puts a damper on your conversation because she has to be in charge of everything."</p> <p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 4pt;"><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em><span id="docs-internal-guid-5c2187e9-7fff-dce3-bc4f-c6300c456e47"></span></p>

Beauty & Style

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Susan Sarandon’s daughter announces engagement

<p>Susan Sarandon’s daughter Eva Amurri has announced her engagement to her boyfriend, chef Ian Hock, 38, after more than two years of dating.</p> <p>The 37-year-old blogger, who has three kids with ex-husband, Kyle Martino, shared a series of images from Paris showing off the new ring.</p> <p>The couple shared a joint post on Instagram, starting out with a lyric from Taylor Swift’s song Lover.</p> <p>“My Heart's Been Borrowed And Yours Has Been Blue. All's Well That Ends Well To End Up With You.</p> <p>“Those who know us know so well what this moment means to us. We are so so so happy. Can't wait to spend all the rest of our days together.”</p> <p>Amurri can be seen smiling from ear to ear in her Instagram posts.</p> <p>She wore her red hair down, wearing a tan coat over a white sweater, while Ian was captured in a blue quarter zip sweater with a grey coat over the top.</p> <p>The mum of three also posted a picture of the ring, with the words, “Absolutely dying over this ring.”</p> <p>Eva’s friends were quick to offer their congratulations in the comments.</p> <p>Kat Dennings wrote, “Yaaaaaaaay and duh!!!! So happy for you!!!!! Gorgeous couple,” while her Two Broke Girls co-star Beth Behrs commented, “Yahooo."</p> <p>Actress JoAnna Garcia wrote, “Over the moon for you two."</p> <p>Eva is the daughter of actress Susan Sarandon and director Franco Amurri.</p> <p>The actress went public with her relationship on her blog <a href="https://happilyevaafter.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Happily Eva After</a> in January 2021.</p> <p>In a post called <a href="https://happilyevaafter.com/a-little-love-life-update/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A Little Love Life Update</a>, she wrote, “I’m beyond happy to share with you that I have a wonderful boyfriend in my life! His name is Ian, he’s super loving, creative, handsome and funny, and we have a ton in common.”</p> <p>“Ian is a Chef (HOTTT), and we met when I went to eat dinner at his restaurant with a friend. My friend went to high school with him in New York City (Yes, he is a fellow New Yorker!), and he came out of the kitchen to say hi to her," she continued. 'We ended up chatting and had an immediate connection and spark.”</p> <p>'I followed him on Instagram, and he followed me back. We started chatting, and for a month just really got to know each other well from exchanging messages and laughing together via text,' she added.</p> <p>“We discovered how much we had in common (both foodies, love going to museums, both bookworms, both speak French...and little by little we created a really special friendship. All before even going on a date! By the time he took me to dinner for the first time, I felt SO close to him, and so safe with him, and it was an old-fashioned courtship in a lot of ways.”</p> <p>Image credit: Instagram</p>

Relationships

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Prince William's godmother resigns amid racism row

<p>Prince William's godmother and Queen Elizabeth's lady-in-waiting has resigned from her royal position after making "unacceptable comments" towards a black guest at Buckingham Palace. </p> <p>The incident reportedly took place earlier this week, when Camilla, Queen Consort was joined by Crown Princess Mary of Denmark, Queen Mathilde of Belgium and Queen Rania of Jordan at an event to highlight domestic violence survivors and charities.</p> <p>Ngozi Fulani, chief executive of Sistah Space, was invited to the afternoon reception at the palace through Safe Lives, a charity the Queen Consort is patron of.</p> <p>The next day, Fulani took to social media where she detailed an exchange with Lady Susan Hussey, saying the woman repeatedly asked where she was "really from", saying "this event remains a blur after the violation".</p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> <p dir="ltr" lang="en">Mixed feelings about yesterday's visit to Buckingham Palace. 10 mins after arriving, a member of staff, Lady SH, approached me, moved my hair to see my name badge. The conversation below took place. The rest of the event is a blur.<br />Thanks <a href="https://twitter.com/ManduReid?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@ManduReid</a> &amp; <a href="https://twitter.com/SuzanneEJacob?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@SuzanneEJacob</a> for support🙏🏾 <a href="https://t.co/OUbQKlabyq">pic.twitter.com/OUbQKlabyq</a></p> <p>— Sistah Space (@Sistah_Space) <a href="https://twitter.com/Sistah_Space/status/1597854380115767296?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 30, 2022</a></p></blockquote> <p>The palace released a statement saying it took the matter "extremely seriously", labelling it "unacceptable" and confirming the staff member had stepped aside.</p> <p>"In this instance, unacceptable and deeply regrettable comments have been made," a statement from Buckingham Palace on Wednesday afternoon (Thursday morning AEDT) said.</p> <p>"We have reached out to Ngozi Fulani on this matter, and are inviting her to discuss all elements of her experience in person if she wishes."</p> <p>"In the meantime, the individual concerned would like to express her profound apologies for the hurt caused and has stepped aside from her honorary role with immediate effect."</p> <p>Prince William's spokesperson almost made a statement to the BBC, saying "Racism has no place in our society."</p> <p>"The comments were unacceptable, and it is right that the individual has stepped aside with immediate effect," they said.</p> <p>As the Palace claims it has reached out to Fulani, she told London radio station LBC and UK newspaper The Independent she hadn't heard from Buckingham Palace yet.</p> <p>Hussey, who served as Queen Elizabeth's lady-in-waiting for over 60 years was given a role in the royal household by King Charles after his mother's death.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

News

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“He doesn’t know he has it”: Susan Benedetto on Tony Bennett’s diagnosis

<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Susan Benedetto, Tony Bennett’s wife, has revealed that the musical icon “doesn’t know” he has Alzheimer’s disease.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The 95-year-old singer appeared on the US </span><em><span style="font-weight: 400;">60 Minutes</span></em><span style="font-weight: 400;"> with Benedetto and interviewer Anderson Cooper, as the show followed his final on-stage appearance with Lady Gaga in August.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“He recognises me, thank goodness, his children, you know we are blessed in a lot of ways,” Benedetto </span><a rel="noopener" href="https://celebrity.nine.com.au/latest/tony-bennett-alzheimers-disease-not-aware-wife-susan-benedetto-60-minutes-interview/8379c29a-a893-43ed-9fe9-13d4a8ec908f" target="_blank"><span style="font-weight: 400;">told Cooper</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. “He’s very sweet.”</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Referring to his Alzheimer’s, Benedetto said, “He doesn’t know he has it.”</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Bennett’s family revealed in February that he had been living with the disease.</span></p> <p><img style="width: 500px; height: 281.0304449648712px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7844677/despite-his-alzheimers-tony-bennett-prepares-to-perform-with-lady-gaga-1-37-screenshot.png" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/d41867ee644a4ca2b31bbbe1f6f317bd" /></p> <p><em><span style="font-weight: 400;">Image: 60 Minutes / YouTube</span></em></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Benedetto previously said Bennett was unable to understand what the disease is.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“He would ask me, ‘What is Alzheimer’s?’ I would explain, but he wouldn’t get it,” she told </span><em><span style="font-weight: 400;">AARP Magazine</span></em><span style="font-weight: 400;"> earlier this year.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“He’d tell me, ‘Susan, I feel fine’. That’s all he could process - that physically he felt great. So, nothing changed in his life. Anything that did change, he wasn’t aware of.”</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Bennett was first diagnosed in 2017, after he became concerned with his memory a year earlier.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“We came home one night and he said, ‘Susan,’ he said, ‘I’m having a hard time remembering the names of the musicians [who he works with]’,” Benedetto said.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“And so it was unusual and I said, ‘Well do you wanna go see a doctor about it?’ and he said, ‘I do’.”</span></p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> <p dir="ltr">Tune in to <a href="https://twitter.com/60Minutes?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@60Minutes</a> tonight at 7pm ET/PT on CBS for my conversation with <a href="https://twitter.com/andersoncooper?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@andersoncooper</a> about Love For Sale and my dear friend <a href="https://twitter.com/itstonybennett?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@itstonybennett</a>. ❤️ <a href="https://t.co/UQDfYbThDy">pic.twitter.com/UQDfYbThDy</a></p> — Lady Gaga (@ladygaga) <a href="https://twitter.com/ladygaga/status/1444770602024267779?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 3, 2021</a></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When Cooper asked Lady Gaga if she thought Bennett’s last performance was “a sad story”, she shared her thoughts on working with the icon.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“It’s not a sad story,” she said.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“It’s emotional. It’s hard to watch somebody change. I think what’s been beautiful about this, and what’s been challenging, is to see how it affects him in some ways, but to see how it doesn’t affect his talent.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“I think he really pushed through something to give the world the gift of knowing that things can change and you can still be magnificent.”</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Gaga and Bennett performed at two sold-out concerts in celebration of his 95th birthday and their second and final album together, </span><span style="font-weight: 400;">Love for Sale</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> <p dir="ltr">Tony, this is the last album we will have created together, but the celebration of jazz, and us as musical companions, will live on with me forever. We offer the public “Love For Sale” for free love, to make them smile, because that’s what we’re here for. ❤️ Love, LG <a href="https://t.co/VP6QifdrHA">pic.twitter.com/VP6QifdrHA</a></p> — Lady Gaga (@ladygaga) <a href="https://twitter.com/ladygaga/status/1438714751165480961?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 17, 2021</a></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When asked about the recording process, Gaga told </span><em><a rel="noopener" href="https://www.usatoday.com/story/entertainment/music/2021/10/04/lady-gaga-talks-tony-bennett-alzheimers-love-for-sale/5979884001/" target="_blank"><span style="font-weight: 400;">USA Today</span></a></em> <span style="font-weight: 400;">it was “hard” to talk about, but “it’s important during times like this to be authentic and share the pain of the realities of what it’s like to have a loved one have Alzheimer’s or dementia”.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“I really extend my heart to people going through a similar situation.”</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">See an excerpt of Bennett, Benedetto and Gaga’s appearance on <em>60 Minutes</em> here.</span></p> <p><iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/yNrvXw9juNs" title="YouTube video player" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></p> <p><em><span style="font-weight: 400;">Image: @itstonybennett / Instagram</span></em></p>

Mind

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Susan Boyle delights the internet with her first ever TikTok video

<p>Susan Boyle has made an incredibly hilarious debut to social media app Tiktok, where she was shown displaying her amazing dance moves with friends. </p> <p>The 59-year-old <em>Britain's Got Talent</em> star took part in a socially distanced dance accompanied by her personal assistant Geraldine and vocal coach Chris Judge.</p> <p>The group boogied to the song <em>Laxed Siren Beat</em> by Jawsh 685 and the video was uploaded to the account of Gez Rae.</p> <div class="embed-responsive embed-responsive-16by9"><iframe class="embed-responsive-item" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/N3yKG_Yc4V4"></iframe></div> <p>The Scottish singer revealed in February she’s actually been trying to add another talent under her belt by taking dancing lessons</p> <p>"Someone suggested I would be good on Strictly Come Dancing," she told The Sun. </p> <p>"Yeah, I would like that. I've got some moves. I've been taking dance lessons."</p> <p>The Scottish singer, who rose to fame on the third series of <em>Britain's Got Talent</em> in 2009 with her stunning rendition of <em>I Dreamed a Dream</em> from<em> Les Misérables</em>, told to <em>A Current Affair's</em> Tracy Grimshaw that there's still plenty of things on her bucket list for her to tick off and make sure come to fruition. </p> <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/BySmiH-lddE/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BySmiH-lddE/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by Susan Boyle (@susanboylemusic)</a> on Jun 4, 2019 at 7:08am PDT</p> </div> </blockquote> <p>"My bucket list? One is to ride a bike — I got my very first bike, never had a bike when I was a kid," Boyle said to Grimshaw. "And I've got my professional licence, I've learned how to drive."</p> <p>Boyle also admitted in the same interview that being pushed into international fame so suddenly back in 2012, was simply too much for her to handle at the time. </p> <p>She says three years after the show, she was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome which came as a “relief” to her. </p> <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B8b2ZQpl3Cg/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B8b2ZQpl3Cg/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by Susan Boyle (@susanboylemusic)</a> on Feb 11, 2020 at 9:34am PST</p> </div> </blockquote> <p>"That was just a relief for me, though, because for years I thought I had something a bit more serious, you know? So that took it off my shoulders a bit," Boyle said, explaining that she had previously thought she had "quite serious brain damage."</p> <p>"[With] Asperger's, you just have to make people aware that sometimes you have to go at a certain pace, don't be too bombarded with things. At the very beginning I was too bombarded," she recalled.</p> <p>"I just want to keep going. I just want to keep entertaining people, making albums, touring. I'm as happy as anything."</p>

Music

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Susan Boyle opens up about plans to start a family at 58

<p>Susan Boyle has revealed her plan to start a family at the age of 58.</p> <p>The singer, who shot to fame after appearing on <em>Britain’s Got Talent </em>in 2009, said she is interested in “fostering” children in a recent interview on <a rel="noopener" href="https://play.acast.com/s/bizarrelife/8b29568b-712d-4781-afe6-aaee983aaaf4" target="_blank" title="The Dan Woottan Interview"><em>The Dan Wootton Interview</em></a> podcast.</p> <p>“I’ve never had any of my own, that’s my biggest regret, but I love kids,” said Boyle.</p> <p>“When things quieten down a bit I would like to get into fostering.</p> <p>“I’m 58 so I’ve got something to bring my family home to. I’ve a lovely house, why not share it?”</p> <p>Boyle has been kept busy this year with releasing her new album <em>Ten</em> and competing on <em>America’s Got Talent: The Champions</em>.</p> <p>Boyle became an ambassador for Save the Children in 2013. At the time, she said working with the charity made her feel as though she was “adopting the kids”.</p> <p>She said, “I love children and I feel like I’m adopting the kids. I feel like a mammy.”</p> <div class="embed-responsive embed-responsive-16by9"><iframe class="embed-responsive-item" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Jo4_XWVEIO0"></iframe></div> <p>She also released a song – a posthumous duet of <em>O Come, All Ye Faithful </em>with Elvis Presley – for the charity, with all the proceeds going to donations.</p>

Art

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What ever happened to Susan Boyle?

<p>After a life-changing audition on <em>Britain’s Got Talent</em> nine years ago, Susan Boyle was thrust into the spotlight due to her angelic voice and refusal to change despite fame.</p> <p>However, the pressure became too much for the homebody from Scotland, as pressure mounted due to a world hungry for more.</p> <p>Her mental health suffered as a result of the stardom, she told <a href="https://www.thesun.co.uk/tvandshowbiz/8430978/susan-boyle-britains-got-talent-comeback-album/"><em>The Sun</em></a>.</p> <p>“It can be difficult to talk about mental health issues, as there is a kind of fear about that.</p> <p>“Years ago, there used to be a stigma about it, but now there is more knowledge, more expertise, and talking about things makes it a lot easier. A lot easier,” Boyle admitted.</p> <p>Five years later, Boyle is now able to cope with her fame and the pressure that comes with it.</p> <p>“I can cope with the pressure now. I know how to control myself better.</p> <p>“I don’t get so worked up about things. I got a lot of help and I’m managing a lot more effectively,” the talented singer shared.</p> <p>To celebrate, Boyle is releasing an album to mark 10 years within the music industry.</p> <p>Her first audition on TV in 2009 sent shockwaves around the world, as she surprised all three judges on the panel of <em>Britain’s Got Talent.</em></p> <p>Looking back and reflecting on that audition made Simon Cowell realise how he was viewed. Cowell revealed to <a href="https://www.thesun.co.uk/tvandshowbiz/7337243/susan-boyle-talent-show-comeback/"><em>The Sun</em></a><em>:</em></p> <p>“When I saw me, I said, ‘I actually hate my guts right now.’ We were really sneery. That was the tipping point.”</p> <p><iframe width="540" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/jca_p_3FcWA" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></p> <p>Boyle is doing much better now, as she’s surrounded by “a lot of support and the love of the community”. She insists that despite her net worth of NZD$42 million, her life is still the same.</p> <p>“I just want to entertain people, I want to make them happy. Money doesn’t bother me,” she insists.</p> <p>“My life has changed in that I’ve got a lot of people around me, I’ve got a nicer house and stuff like that, but those are material things. I think emotionally I’ve grown up with it.</p> <p>“My whole community hasn’t changed much but I have this sort of dual personality now. I’m a performer and an ordinary person, which is nice,” Boyle explained.</p> <p>Do you remember the first time you heard Susan Boyle sing? Let us know in the comments.</p>

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This may be the secret to happiness in relationships

<p><strong><em>Susan Krauss Whitbourne is a professor of Psychology and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. She writes the Fulfilment at Any Age blog for Psychology Today.</em></strong></p> <p><span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/laughter">Laughter</a></span> can be, if not the best, at least <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201007/laughter-certain-types-can-be-the-best-medicine">great medicine</a></span> for your personal <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/health">health</a></span>. You may not be aware, however, of the many <em>relationship</em> health benefits of sharing a smile or laugh. Couples who successfully navigate their inevitable periods of conflict and disagreement in long-term <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/relationships">relationships</a></span> know how best to use <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201206/the-12-ties-bind-long-term-relationships">constructive, rather than destructive</a></span>, methods of resolution. In <em>constructive</em> conflict resolution, you focus on the <em>problem</em>, not the <em>person</em>; in <em>destructive</em> conflict resolution, you make things <em>personal</em>.</p> <p>A key component to relationship health is that happy couples know how to relish their happy moments together. It seems obvious that sharing the joys of everyday life with your partner could promote your long-term bond. When you laugh with your partner, you’re serving as a source of positive reinforcement. As your partner increasingly comes to associate you with rewarding experiences, you boost your partner’s <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/motivation">motivation</a></span> to be with you (and vice versa).</p> <p>Positive emotions do more than provide psychological comfort, however. According to University College of London’s Sophie K. Scott and colleagues (2014):</p> <p><em>“Laughter is one of the positive emotional expressions, which are expressly linked to a physiological reduction in the stressful reactions to negative emotions (e.g., </em><span><em><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/fear">fear</a></em></span><em>, </em><span><em><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/anger">anger</a></em></span><em>, disgust), in a way which may be more effective than other ways of managing negative emotions” (pp. 619-620).</em></p> <p>Laughing helps your body as well as your mind: Scott and her <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/teamwork">team</a></span> bolstered their argument with evidence taken from a long-term study of middle-aged and older married couples. That study focused on the general relationship benefits of being able to manage emotions. Called "<span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201502/5-ways-get-your-unwanted-emotions-under-control">emotion regulation,</a></span>" this is essentially the ability to make yourself feel better when you feel bad. If you’re capable of emotion regulation, you can put the brakes on such negative emotions as anger, frustration and hostility. You can also keep humorous reactions in bounds, reflecting the situation as appropriate (unlike the “<span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201503/does-everyone-really-love-joker-does-anyone">class clown</a></span>”).</p> <p>Stanford University psychologist Lian Bloch and collaborators (2014) used data from a 13-year study of heterosexual marriages among middle-aged and older couples to examine whether the ones who used the process of “downregulating” negative emotion (i.e., getting themselves to feel better) would be better able to cope when faced with relationship strife. The researchers examined the predictive power of negative downregulation as the first assessment on marital satisfaction over the course of the 13 years of the study.</p> <p>In a long-term study such as this, you could argue from the “correlation doesn’t equal causation” perspective that the same quality that allows couples to regulate negative emotions at one point in time allows them to feel more satisfied with each other. Only a true experiment could rule out this possibility. Because earlier scores were being used statistically to predict later outcomes, however, there’s also a strong case to be made for a directional arrow from downregulation at one point in time to marital satisfaction in the following years.</p> <p>On each testing occasion, the Stanford study brought married couples to a lab session during which they spent 15 minutes each talking about:</p> <ul> <li>events of the day;</li> <li>a topic of continued disagreement; and</li> <li>a pleasant topic or something they enjoyed doing together.</li> </ul> <p>Their physiological reactions were monitored at the same time, and participants also rated their emotions during these encounters. Participants also rated the quality of their own conflict resolution, and whether it was constructive or destructive in <u><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/environment">nature</a></u>. </p> <p>The key question, then, was whether emotion regulation would predict marital satisfaction. However, the data were also broken down by spouse (husband vs. wife) so the researchers could also examine <em>whose </em>downregulation was more important for the relationship’s long-term health. The subtitle of the article – “More than a Wives’ Tale" – gives away the punch line because the <em>wife’s</em> downregulation more successfully predicted marital satisfaction over time. Her ability to communicate constructively played the key role in making good things happen long-term.</p> <p>We know from this study, then, that regulating negative emotions (by wives in particular) is helpful in maintaining relationship bonds. How do the findings relate to the sharing of positive emotions? Were couples benefited at all by focusing on an enjoyable, mutual activity? Berkeley psychologist Joyce Yuan and colleagues (2010), using the same married couples in the Bloch <em>et al.</em> research, found that couples who experienced positive emotions were better able to calm themselves physiologically as well. Positive emotions, in short, “have the capacity to ‘undo’ physiological arousal” (p. 471).</p> <p>Laughter is certainly one of the strongest reactions we have to positive emotions. You may smile when you’re feeling good, but you’ll only laugh if something strikes you as out-and-out funny. Scott and her team noted that people laugh surprisingly often, perhaps as much as 5 times in a 10-minute conversation. </p> <p>People also tend to laugh more at what <em>they</em> say than at what <em>others </em>contribute to the dialogue, according to the Scott<em> </em>et al. analysis. We seem to use laughter more as a tool in communicating our thoughts to others than in reacting to what those around us are trying to communicate. (The next time you're chatting with a friend or your partner, take note of the times you laugh and see if this observation matches your own experience.)</p> <p>Returning to the research, these findings suggest that you may be able to control the emotional climate of your relationship <em>by bringing laughter into it</em>. At first, it might seem strange or forced, but over time, you may find that you and your partner actually find more to laugh about in common. Press the pause button on conflicts before they become destructive and take a moment to put things in perspective. Who knows? Once you take that step back, the whole situation may become laughable. As difficult as it might be the first time, getting in the habit of downregulating together may be the best medicine for long-term relationship fulfillment.</p> <p><em>Written by Susan Krauss Whitbourne. Republished with permission of <span><strong><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201506/may-be-the-secret-happiness-in-relationships">Psychology Today.</a></strong></span> </em></p>

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Is it better to be loyal or honest in your relationship?

<p><strong><em>Susan Krauss Whitbourne is a professor of Psychology and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. She writes the Fulfilment at Any Age blog for Psychology Today.</em></strong></p> <p>An old friend is in town on a trip that you’ve known about for months. Back when you made a date to get together for the evening, it seemed like a great idea. You definitely want to see this person, or at least you did at the time. Now that it’s getting closer to the actual event, you’re starting to regret having made those plans. Things have gotten hectic at work, and you’d like to take the evening to sit around in your sweats and binge watch that new program which just became available for streaming. </p> <p>Perhaps it’s not an evening out, but a lunch date on a weekday close by to where you work. The weather forecast is predicting a messy, rainy, day and you don’t think you’ll want to venture out any more than is necessary to get from home to the office. These situations present you with a classic dilemma: Do you tell the truth to your friend but risk the relationship or preserve the relationship by making up a legitimate-sounding excuse?</p> <p>Testing the values of loyalty vs. honesty in moral judgments, Cornell University’s John Angus D. Hildreth and University of California Berkeley’s Cameron Anderson (2018) asked “Does loyalty <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/president-donald-trump">trump</a></span> honesty?” As they note, “Groups often demand loyalty, but all too often, loyalty can corrupt individuals to engage in deceit."</p> <p>Among the list of possible deceptions that loyalty to organisations or causes can prompt is pretending to believe in something you don’t or overlooking bad behaviour by people who are a part of your group. A politician might downplay a fellow office-holder’s illicit activity, or a sales manager might turn a blind eye to the shoddy products that the company is putting out on the market. You might lie to help your <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/teamwork">team</a></span> win in a competitive match. The deceptions involved in these instances have more serious consequences than those associated with <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/deception">lying</a></span> to a friend to preserve the relationship, but the same underlying dynamic is at play in that honesty and loyalty operate at cross-purposes.</p> <p>As the Cornell-Berkeley researchers go on to observe, most people view lying as unethical but may be more accepting when a lie is the result of a prosocial motive. In fact, they cite evidence that you’ll gain more trust from the people who know you if you have a reputation as a prosocial liar. A friend may overhear you saying to a mutual acquaintance that her new hairstyle looks great when, clearly, the cut and colour are all wrong. Your coming out with this slight untruth shows how much you value other people’s feelings. Such lies are preferable to lies that are intended to give you an advantage over other people in order to get ahead. When you tell someone she looks nice so that you can get her to do a favour for you, this is no longer a prosocial lie because you’re doing this to increase the odds of getting something you want.</p> <p>However, when a lie isn’t just prosocial but a “loyal lie,” other people are likely to view you far more negatively. A lie that is intended to protect shady operations by a group of which you are a part comes closer to a self-serving lie than one that is <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/altruism">altruistic</a></span>, even though “loyal” implies some sort of higher purpose. There is a philosophical reason for this notion as well. Philosophers such as Jeremy Bentham and John Stuart Mills regard loyalty as “immoral” due to its “inherent partiality”. Because loyal lies benefit one’s group as well as oneself over others, they should be perceived as immoral by those who observe the lie being told. The liar, by contrast, sees no such problem and, in fact, feels “a moral imperative to act in the best interests of the group.” By not lying, the individual runs the risk of “negative social judgment, ostracism and social exclusion."</p> <p>Putting these ideas to the test, Hildreth and Anderson conducted a series of four studies involving nearly 1400 participants involving both online surveys and laboratory experiments. In the online version of the test of the study’s hypotheses (later replicated with college students), participants read scenarios varying in the behaviour described by an individual who either lied or did not lie either to benefit their group in its <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/sport-and-competition">competition</a></span> with another group. The question was whether participants would regard deceit as unethical and immoral. In the condition involving loyalty and intergroup competition, participants perceived deceit as being relatively less unethical than in other conditions. However, participants rated loyal deceit (lying to benefit their group) as more unethical than disloyal honesty (being honest at the expense of one’s own group).</p> <p>The research team placed college student participants in the experimental study similarly in conditions involving either intergroup competition or no competition. Here the question was whether or not they would lie when their loyalty was triggered. Rather than judging the <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/ethics-and-morality">morality</a></span> and ethicality of others, then, participants judged their own behaviour.</p> <p>As shown in prior studies, participants were more likely to lie when they thought it would help their own group. In general, they judged their own behaviour as less ethical when they lied compared to when they were honest. However, there was an important exception – when they lied to benefit their group, the participants did not see any ethical problem in their own behaviour. In fact, they actually saw their behaviour as slightly more ethical when they lied compared to when they told the truth.</p> <p>As the authors concluded, “These individuals seemed to ground their self-perceptions in a morally pluralistic framework, focusing on loyalty above and beyond truthfulness as a critical moral dimension in this context” (p. 90). In other words, liars can compartmentalise enough to be able to justify their lying if it serves a purpose of protecting their group.</p> <p>The final study in the series randomly assigned participants in the laboratory simulation to actor or observer role. As in the prior studies, loyal lies received the harshest judgments by observers, but not by the actors themselves.</p> <p><strong>To sum up</strong>, in answer to the article’s title, loyalty really does trump honesty in the view of the person committing the lie. Loyal liars don’t just rationalise their lying after the fact; instead, they have different standards for loyal lying than they do for honesty. Returning to the quandary you find yourself in when you feel you need to lie to get out of a prior obligation, the Cornell-Berkeley study suggests that it’s all too easy to slip into a mode where you see your lying as needed to protect your relationship. This may be fine on an occasional or extreme basis, but it’s quite likely that you can easily slip down that slope into habitual lying.</p> <p>Rather than lie to protect your relationship, then, a dose of honesty may be needed even if it seems difficult at the time. Alternatively, perhaps you shouldn’t lie at all. If you’ve made a social commitment that now seems inconvenient, consider following through on it. You may have a much better time than you realised you would, and the loyalty you show toward those in your life might just provide the basis for more fulfilling <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/relationships">relationships</a></span>.</p> <p><em>Written by Susan Krauss Whitbourne. Republished with permission of <a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong>Psychology Today.</strong> </span></a></em></p>

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The best way for adult children and parents to communicate

<p><strong><em>Susan Krauss Whitbourne is a professor of Psychology and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. She writes the Fulfilment at Any Age blog for Psychology Today.</em></strong></p> <p>When I speak with other <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/parenting">parents</a></span> of adult children, I often wonder if I am being a negligent parent. Since sending our children off to college, to jobs, or <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/marriage">marriage</a></span>, some of my friends talk to and text their children endlessly. I, on the other hand, do not. I notice disbelief on their faces when I report not speaking to my married son for two-week stretches at a time.</p> <p>Adult children – particularly daughters as I learned from the research for my book <span><a href="http://amzn.to/1R7szpy">Nobody’s Baby Now: Reinventing Your Adult Relationship with Your Mother and Father</a></span> – report speaking with a parent two, three or more times a day in conversations that range from important to trivial. Mobile phones and texting have made sharing information inexpensive, easy and more immediate. But, is keeping in close or constant touch – in any mode of communication – beneficial for parents?</p> <p>Current forms of communication can be frustrating for parents. Many adult children don’t answer their mobile phones; they keep the voicemail boxes full; and if you can leave a message, it’s doubtful they listen to it. Emails don’t get read unless you send a text to alert them to read your email.</p> <p>However as one study reveals, parental feelings after contact with grown children are varied; they can be quite uplifting or upsetting in different circumstances. In short, it may be a mixed blessing that you can’t reach your adult child.</p> <p><strong>How contact with grown children affects parents’ mood</strong></p> <p>Calling and texting grown children – versus face-to-face interaction – may not be the emotionally best choice for parents. In the study, “The Ties That Bind: <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/mid-life">Midlife</a></span> Parents’ Daily Experiences With Grown Children,” lead author Karen Fingerman at the University of Texas, Austin, found that 96 percent of the sampled 247 parents with children over the age of 18 spoke with, texted or saw them in person during a one-week period.  A surprising number had daily contact.</p> <p>But researchers wanted to know whether the mode of communication was influenced by the quality of the parent-child relationship, and if the encounters had a significant impact on the mood and wellbeing of the parent.</p> <p><strong>A mixed bag of reactions</strong></p> <p>“Pleasant and stressful experiences with grown children were associated with parents’ positive and negative daily moods,” the study found.</p> <p>Fingerman and her <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/teamwork">team</a></span> used daily diaries for parents to report their contact intervals and whether their interaction was pleasant or negative. Of the many parents that communicated with their children in the study week, 88 percent spoke on the phone, three-fourths saw them in person and two thirds texted. “Nearly all” subjects laughed or had a pleasant interaction.</p> <p>But, more than 50 percent had stressful experiences, such as a child “getting on nerves,” or having thoughts of <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/anxiety">anxiety </a></span>over children. Most parents experienced either an overall positive or an overall negative communication, with few having neutral interactions.</p> <p><strong>The most rewarding ways to stay in touch</strong></p> <p>The quality of the parent-child relationship does matter; both the frequency of contact and its <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/environment">nature</a></span> hinge on it. Parents who had more positive relationships with their adult children were more likely to report daily contact using all three modes of communication (phone, text, in person). Those who rated their overall relationship as positive were almost one and a half times likelier to see their children in person.</p> <p>Also notable is that parents reported more negative relationship quality when they communicated with children via phone or text message. By contrast, in-person parent-child contact was not significantly associated with more negative relationships.</p> <p>One aspect of the study questioned what kinds of relationships were more rife with parental worry; researchers questioned whether positive relationships had more parents worrying about children – wondering about their wellbeing, for example. The opposite was found: “Stressful thoughts were more likely to occur regarding offspring with whom parents had less positive relationship qualities.”</p> <p><strong>Positive chats heal negative interactions</strong></p> <p>A positive <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/therapy-types/parent-child-interaction-therapy-pcit">parent-child interaction</a></span> appeared to “mitigate the effects” of a negative one no matter which adult child caused the initial parental upset on a given day:</p> <p>“A grown child may call with a problem, upsetting the parent. Later that day, the same child or a different child may call and share a joke at work or a funny story about how his or her toddler sings the ABCs to fall asleep. The amusing story may alleviate the distress over the problem.”</p> <p>How do you communicate with your adult children? How often? Do they ignore your phone calls, texts and emails? Are in-person visits less upsetting than your electronic connections? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below.</p> <p><em>Written by Susan Krauss Whitbourne. Republished with permission of <strong><u><a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com">Psychology Today</a>. </u></strong></em></p>

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The new and reliable way to spot a liar

<p><strong><em>Susan Krauss Whitbourne is a professor of Psychology and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. She writes the Fulfilment at Any Age blog for Psychology Today.</em></strong></p> <p>Figuring out who will be truthful is as important a determination to make as any you might make in your life. Your quest to identify what's a lie ranges from distilling the newsfeed you receive on a moment-to-moment basis to trying to decide if a salesperson is giving you a truly good deal for a truly good product. Psychology addresses the question of dishonesty from a range of perspectives, such as interpreting <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/body-language">body language</a></span> or counting the number of “uh’s” in a person’s speech. However, it would also make sense that <span><em><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/personality">personality</a></em></span> would figure into the equation. Putting this idea to the test, University of Cape Town (South Africa) psychologist Yolandi-Eloise Jansevan van Rensburg and colleagues (2018) explored academic dishonesty in a context easily investigated with college undergraduates. Although their focus is on this specific type of cheating, the results of this study also have implications for <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/empathy">understanding</a></span> dishonestly on a larger scale.</p> <p>Van Rensburg and her colleagues note that a large percentage (43%) of college students admit to having cheated at some point and in some way on exams. This estimate comes from a range of studies conducted between 2002 and 2013, with nearly 135,000 participants. In a way, although <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/infidelity">cheating on</a></span> campus is a headache primarily for instructors, the problem also takes on significance when you consider that some of those cheaters are now serving the public, sometimes in situations involving life or death decisions. Who wants a cheater conducting <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/neuroscience">brain</a></span> surgery or doing your taxes?</p> <p>The personality traits that the South African researchers believed would be most related to academic <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/deception">deception</a></span> stem from the so-called “HEXACO” model that includes as one if its components the honesty-humility dimension. As you can most likely guess from the term, scores on this personality attribute are related to what the researchers call “counter-academic behaviour.” In other words, people with low scores on the honesty end of the continuum should be more likely to commit “multiple ethical transgressions within an academic context” that would include cheating and plagiarising among other behaviours such as abusing substances and holding low personal standards. Whether honesty-humility scores would include cheating specifically within this range of counter-academic behaviour became the study’s empirical question.</p> <p>According to van Rensburg et al., it is necessary to break the honesty-humility scores down further in the effort to predict cheating. Honesty refers to being fair and trustworthy, and unwilling to engage in behaviours designed to provide personal gain such as exploiting, stealing, lying, and of course, cheating. People high in humility avoid being greedy and regard themselves as not particularly entitled to special treatment. Putting the two together, people may want to get ahead and hope to get special treatment (i.e. be low in humility), but honesty puts the brakes on their doing so, acting as a “control element” against engaging in counterproductive behaviour.</p> <p>Using an online sample of 308 South African students ranging from 18 to 47 years of age, with an average age of 23, van Rensburg and her collaborators assessed cheating both with direct questions about counter-academic behaviour as well as with a disguised measure of cheating in the form of an online task that participants were to score themselves. The online cheating task was administered prior to the personality test to ensure that participants wouldn’t guess the actual purpose of the study and then be influenced by the honesty questions when they performed the task.</p> <p>The online cheating measure was cleverly designed to tempt participants to cheat by giving them the opportunity to win money if they performed well. Participants were told they should not use any unauthorised help such as using a calculator, nor to change their answers once they started seeing the correct scores. After completing the task, participants then reported on whether or not they had cheated in the process of scoring themselves or using any of that unauthorised help. To assess counter-academic behaviour, the researchers asked participants a series of questions regarding such examples as submitting a class paper or project that was not their own work (misrepresentation) and turning in work that was of poor quality and lower than their true potential or ability (low personal standards).</p> <p>Think now about what you would do in the online task scenario. Would you try to change your answers or give yourself an honest grade based on which ones you got right and which you got wrong? If you believe you would refrain from cheating, why would this be? Would you feel it was unfair to receive unearned money or would you just feel that you were being insincere? Think too about whether you’d really want money you hadn’t earned. Is it worth it to get an extra few dollars in terms of your own self-respect and integrity, or would you stop at nothing to try to game the system?</p> <p>As it turned out, the fairness dimension ranked above all else in predicting who self-reports engaging in counter-academic behaviour. With fairness including an adherence to social norms and unwillingness to take advantage of others, the authors reasoned, people with high scores on this trait should stay away from all forms of behaving badly in academic settings. For the online cheating test, though, it was greed avoidance that provided the strongest predictive value. That material gain, small though it was, provided sufficient incentive for the greedy students to grab what they could.</p> <p>Breaking honesty-humility down into its components, then, and differentiating between general college misbehaviour and cheating on a specific task allowed the South African <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/teamwork">team</a></span> to pinpoint the distinct personality traits that lead people to lie to get what they feel they deserve. If you generalise beyond an academic situation, the findings suggest that the people most likely to cheat their way to the top are, at their core, greedy. Their desire to acquire material goods allows them to suspend their own sense of right and wrong. Those individuals who uphold the values of fairness will, by contrast, avoid the more general range of unsavoury behaviours that include ethical transgressions. </p> <p>If you want to figure out who to trust, the van Rensburg et al. study suggests you do a quick assessment of fairness and greed avoidance. Even if you dangle attractive goodies to the people high in greed avoidance, they’ll be able to resist temptation. You can conduct your own experiments of giving them the opportunity to earn something they don’t deserve and see how they behave. The people who believe in fairness, similarly, can be put to the test by finding out if they would try to get away with bending the rules if they could. Of course, you can also see if they do. If a salesperson fails to charge them for an item, do they point this out, or furtively leave the scene as fast as possible?</p> <p>Finding fulfillment in your own personal search for success means not cheating to get what you want. Learning to figure out who to trust in your relationships means looking not so much at their nonverbal communication but at the more easily observable, and perhaps reliable, conduct.</p> <p><em>Written by Susan Krauss Whitbourne. Republished with permission of <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Psychology Today.</span></strong> </a></em></p>

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8 ways to test your stress mindset

<p><strong><em>Susan Krauss Whitbourne is a professor of Psychology and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. She writes the Fulfilment at Any Age blog for Psychology Today.</em></strong></p> <p>You’ve got a hugely pressured day ahead of you, with errands you’ve absolutely got to run along with getting ready for your partner’s upcoming birthday party. All of this has to happen on top of the actual work you need to do at your job. Before leaving the house, you decide to check your email in case your boss has tried to get a hold of you. As you start to log in, the Internet goes down. This is going to delay you by at least half an hour while you try to figure out the cause of the snafu.</p> <p>In the midst of this turmoil, you might ask yourself how you’re feeling. Is it possible that you actually <em>enjoy</em> all of this <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/stress">stress</a></strong></span>? Might you really thrive on pressure? It’s automatically assumed that the kind of hassles involved in these daily pressures and mishaps are harmful and cause wear and tear on your mind and body. However, for some people, stress is the fuel that keeps them going, and without it, they are miserable.</p> <p>The concept of a “stress mindset” helps to explain these alternative ways of approaching life’s pressures. Tel Aviv University’s Nili Ben-Avi and colleagues (2018) recently investigated the stress mindset, which they define as “the extent to which individuals hold the mindset that stress has enhancing versus debilitating consequences." Since it’s impossible to avoid stress, it would seem more adaptive to take the stress-as-enhancing mindset, unless of course your life is extremely boring and uneventful. It seems safe to assume that most people are in fact under more rather than less pressure, and therefore the stress-as-enhancing mindset would seem to be the better approach if your goal is to be able to overcome the left curves that life can send your way.</p> <p>The Israeli researchers took the unique approach of asking people not to rate their own stress mindset and then observe their levels of negative outcomes, but to use ratings of stress mindset as predictors of outcomes among other individuals. The idea behind the study was that your stress mindset will affect how much strain and unhappiness someone else is experiencing. Consider, for example, whether you think stress is debilitating. You would then think your partner shares your views about stress and would, therefore, be as unhappy as you would be under that same stress level.</p> <p>To measure your own stress mindset, rate yourself from 1 (strongly disagree) to 7 (strongly agree) on the following eight stress mindset items:</p> <ol> <li>The effects of stress are negative and should be avoided.</li> <li>Experiencing stress facilitates my learning and growth.</li> <li>Experiencing stress depletes my <span><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a rel="noopener" href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/health" target="_blank">health</a></strong></span> </span>and vitality.</li> <li>Experiencing stress enhances my performance and <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/productivity">productivity</a></strong></span>.</li> <li>Experiencing stress inhibits my learning and growth.</li> <li>Experiencing stress improves my health and vitality.</li> <li>Experiencing stress debilitates my performance and productivity.</li> <li>The effects of stress are positive and should be utilized.</li> </ol> <ul> <li><em>A stress-enhancing mindset is indicated by your agreement with items 2, 4, 6, and 8.</em></li> <li><em>If you agree with items 1,3,5, and 7, you hold a stress-debilitating mindset.</em></li> </ul> <p>The average participant in the Ben-Avi et al. study received an average at about the middle of the 7-item scale (3.22 per item), and most people scored just between about 2 and 4. If you have a stress-enhancing mindset, you should, therefore, score at 4 or above per item on the even-numbered items, and 2 or below on the odd-numbered items.  </p> <p>Participants also rated their levels of <strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/therapy-types/positive-psychology">optimism</a></span></strong> and their mood. To measure optimism, the Tel Aviv University researchers used a standard optimism scale containing the following items:</p> <ol> <li>In uncertain times, I usually expect the best.</li> <li>I'm always <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/optimism">optimistic</a></strong></span><strong> </strong>about my future.</li> <li>Overall, I expect more good things to happen to me than bad.</li> </ol> <p>The mood scale simply asked participants to rate their levels of <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/happiness">happiness</a></strong></span> on a straightforward 9-point rating scale.</p> <p>Turning now to the outcome of having a stress-enhancing mindset, the findings clearly support the idea that your life will be better if you can put a positive spin on having a life that’s full of pressure. Although mood wasn’t related to stress mindset, optimism levels did show a positive correlation, with people who have more of a “can-do” spirit enjoying a life full of constant demands.</p> <p>As it turns out, your stress mindset levels also predict the way you judge other people. The Israeli <strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/teamwork">team</a></span></strong> asked participants to judge the levels of stress experienced by a male employee (“Ben”) described in a scenario as experiencing a great deal of work-related stress, such as being in a managerial position, working long hours, and having to multi-task. Participants did perceive this male employee as being highly stressed, but people who held a stress-as-enhancing mindset saw him as having a lower workload than did people who believed that stress is debilitating. Furthermore, the more participants believed that stress is enhancing, the lower they rated Ben on the <strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/burnout">burnout</a></span></strong> scale.</p> <p>Thus, having a stress-as-enhancing mindset affects the amount of stress you perceive other people to have. If you think stress is enhancing, you will project this attitude onto the way you perceive other people. These findings suggest that, unfortunately, if you and your partner have a stress-mindset mismatch, you’ll be less <strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/empathy">understanding</a></span></strong> toward your partner.</p> <p>Turning then to the ways that you can use stress to your advantage, look again at those 8 items on the stress mindset scale. If you’ve scored on the “agree” side of those odd-numbered items, maybe it’s time to see where your ideas about stress come from in the first place. Ben-Avi and her collaborators note that the mass media tends to emphasize the harmful and debilitative effects of stress over and beyond any of its benefits. It is true that unabated chronic stress has a negative impact on health and can even shorten your life; however, because stress is also a subjective state, if you could somehow be convinced to turn around your views of stress, you might not be quite so damaged by its presence in your life. People can, the Israeli researchers note, be helped to change their mindset, and in turn, their health and work performance can benefit.</p> <p>To sum up, assuming that all stress is bad can create its own self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead, see stress as the product of your own perceptions, and you may well be on your way to a more positive outlook on life.</p> <p><em>Written by Susan Krauss Whitbourne. Republished with permission of <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us" target="_blank"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong>Psychology Today</strong></span></a>. </em></p>

Relationships

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Meet the grandma who’s walking 420kms for her sick granddaughter

<p>Meet Susan Gascoine, the grandma walking 450km from Murray Bridge to Peace Park via Victor Harbour and the Fleurieu Peninsula to raise money for her granddaughter who has cystic fibrosis.</p> <p>This marks the second walk the 70-year-old grandmother has done in order to raise awareness and funds for the disease.</p> <p>Her nine and a half-year-old granddaughter, Tehya-Rose, was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis when she was just a few weeks old.</p> <p>Throughout Tehya-Rose’s life, Susan contemplated what she could do to make some measure of difference for the cystic fibrosis. She had initially dismissed the idea of the walks as she didn’t believe she could accomplish it. That is, until her late mother inspired her.</p> <p>When Susan’s mother was sick in hospital, someone commented how strong her legs were for a 90-year-old lady.</p> <p>“I was sitting there holding her hand when this happened, and I said, ‘That’s just because she loved to walk.’ Then, the very next thing that came out of my mouth was, ‘I’m going to do a walk for cystic fibrosis.’ It was almost as though she put that thought into my head. It started from there and that was almost two years ago,” Susan told Over60.</p> <p>Last year Susan’s walk from Renmark to Adelaide raised $15,000 for Cystic Fibrosis South Australia and the Cure for Cystic Fibrosis Foundation.</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><img width="500" height="333" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/35560/susan-in-text_500x333.jpg" alt="Susan In Text"/></p> <p>Susan’s granddaughter was delighted once she told her the idea for the walk.</p> <p> “‘Oh, wow Nana’, that’s what she said. She’s been very enthusiastic saying ‘I’ll walk with you’ and she did walk with us. She walked down the hill and then got in the car to go up the hill. She will walk again this year as best as she can,” said Susan.</p> <p><strong>The impact of cystic fibrosis</strong></p> <p>Although currently Tehya-Rose’s condition is not as bad as some cystic fibrosis sufferers, her condition is worsening.</p> <p>Susan rattled off the names of medications that her granddaughter is required to take daily. Some cystic fibrosis sufferers are required to take up to 50-60 tablets a day.</p> <p>“It’s always hard to watch a child struggle with something. It’s hard to watch family struggling,” said Susan.</p> <p>Cystic fibrosis impacts her granddaughter in all facets of her life, even the “little things like day to day things”.</p> <p>“She runs out of breath more easily than other kids so she does sport but it is a little bit more of a struggle for her, but she will keep doing it,” explained Susan, continuing, “And the fact that she has to go to hospital every so often to have very powerful antibiotics drugs pumped into her for two weeks. When she goes it’s a minimum of two weeks, never just a couple of days.”</p> <p>Susan’s aim is to make cystic fibrosis as well-known as cardiac problems and cancer.</p> <p>“Something people think ‘I can’t catch it so it’s not important’ and I don’t want them to feel that way. These kids deserve to have a cure found for them as well,” said Susan.</p> <p><strong>The support of the walk</strong></p> <p>Although Susan underwent surgery just before Christmas, she is not letting anything stop her from completing her walk. Susan’s family walks with her for as much as they can but Susan also has strangers join her.</p> <p>These strangers – families and individuals – are usually people who also have a loved one suffering from cystic fibrosis. Sometimes they are even sufferers themselves.</p> <p>“It happened to me just the other day someone just came up to me and gave me a big hug and said, ‘Thank you so much for doing this for my child’,” Susan recalled.</p> <p>“That just brings tears to my eyes and makes it worthwhile. People feel like I’m doing something to help them, that’s what it’s all about helping other people isn’t it.”</p> <p>Susan started the walk on March 25 and will arrive at Peace Park in Adelaide on April 30.</p> <p>“My goal is to have as many people become aware of cystic fibrosis as I can touch and make them aware. I’d love to beat last year’s amount, that would be fantastic but I’ve still set my goal at $15, 000 and if I get there, I’ll just keep on going.”</p> <p>If you would like to support Susan’s walk <a href="https://give.everydayhero.com/au/susanstrides4cf" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">click here</span></strong></a> and to read her updates of the walk, follow her <a href="https://www.facebook.com/susanstirdes4cf/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Facebook page</span></strong></a>.</p>

Retirement Life

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Jessica Lange and Susan Sarandon reveal sad truth about ageing in Hollywood

<p>At 67 and 70 respectively, actresses Jessica Lange and Susan Sarandon are in the prime of the career. In their latest TV series Feud, Lange stars as ageing screen legend Joan Crawford alongside Susan Sarandon as Crawford’s bitter rival, Bette Davis.</p> <p>But both successful women recognise that ageing, especially if you’re a woman, in Hollywood can spell the end of your career.</p> <p>“Women are viewed as a commodity more so than male actors,” Lange tells PEOPLE. “At a certain age women are no longer considered a viable or a valuable part of the community – even if that’s when they may feel like they’re at the top of their game. And that’s not just in Hollywood.”</p> <p>Sarandon says of the female stars of the Golden Age of Hollywood, “All of those gals who had these amazing parts found themselves high and dry later when they were older because there weren’t that many people who were writing them.</p> <p>“There are so many tragic stories of women who were so beautiful and couldn’t figure out a way to age within the system.”</p> <p>Feud producer Ryan Murphy believes it’s important to tell stories that celebrate women of all ages, including older women.</p> <p>“I think if Joan and Bette were alive, they would raise a glass to Jessica and Susan,” he says. “Bette and Joan have been frozen in amber in our culture for a long time as characters and I think what we worked so hard at doing was painting full, complete portraits of these women. Their story deserved to be told in that way.”</p>

Retirement Life

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Susan Sarandon stuns in sexy Marc Jacobs ad

<p>Oscar-winning actress Susan Sarandon has stunned in a new Marc Jacobs’ Fall 2016 ad campaign.</p> <p>The fashion mogul took to Instagram to praise the 69-year-old actress, who is known for her roles in <em>Thelma &amp; Louise</em> and <em>Dead Man Walking.</em></p> <p>Jacobs captioned the photo, “SUSAN, Seduction” and posted a lengthy message explaining why he chose Sarandon to be one of his muses for his collection.</p> <p><img width="499" height="415" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/23605/susan-sarandon-marc-jacobs_499x415.jpg" alt="Susan Sarandon Marc Jacobs" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"/></p> <p>He explained that movies like <em>The Rocky Horror Picture Show</em> helped his younger self get in touch with his creative side.</p> <p>“I fell in love with Susan Sarandon’s onscreen portrayal of Janet during her ‘loss of innocence’ scene by way of a crossdressing alien and her giddy, ecstatic rendition of, “touch-a, touch-a, touch me…” he wrote.</p> <p>He went on to praise the actress, writing, “Her intelligence, courage, strength, conviction and ballsiness has always been so admirable to me.</p> <p>“There’s an inherent seductive quality in Susan as a woman who always speaks her mind and an artist who takes risks.</p> <p>“Her talent as an actress is one of extraordinary range, talent and power.”</p> <p><strong>Related links: </strong></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="/lifestyle/beauty-style/2016/06/80s-fashion-trends-making-a-comeback/"><em>15 fashion trends from the 80s that are making a comeback</em></a></strong></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="/lifestyle/beauty-style/2016/06/fashion-tips-for-flattering-the-neck/"><em>Fashion tips for flattering the neck</em></a></strong></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em><a href="/lifestyle/beauty-style/2016/05/coat-with-in-built-heating/">The winter coat with in-built heating</a></em></strong></span></p>

Beauty & Style

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Do men and women experience retirement differently?

<p><em><strong>Emeritus Professors Susan Moore and Doreen Rosenthal are the authors of </strong></em><strong>New Age Nanas Being a Grandmother in the 21st Century</strong><em><strong>. They’re currently conducting research focusing on women's experiences with retirement.</strong></em></p> <p>This is probably the first era in recent history that women have retired from the paid workforce in such large numbers. Many of us had ‘stay-at-home’ mothers who experienced a change in their lifestyle when the children left home or when their husbands retired, but their social group and their role as homemakers remained much the same. Now, a large cohort of older women, who have been earning an independent living for many years, are about to retire or have recently done so. They find that their roles, financial situation and status all change, as do the people they spend all day with. The routines, the reason for getting up in the morning and putting on your glad rags, the need to remember ten things at once – are all suddenly very different. How are today’s women managing these changes?</p> <p>We are a couple of academic women who retired at about the same time, and found ourselves missing some of the buzz of the working day. Yes we had more time to be with our husbands and families, to travel, to read and to indulge in some of those hobbies we hadn’t picked up for years. But too much leisure can be exhausting. We sought the mental stimulus that our careers in the social sciences provided, without the administration, the late hours and the pressure.</p> <p>What to do? Well dear reader we decided to write about our experiences and those of other women of our generation. It started with research on grandmothering, leading to our book, <a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/02/new-age-nanas-a-guide-to-successful-grand-parenting-in-the-21st-century/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em>New Age Nanas: Being a Grandmother in the 21st Century</em></strong></span></a> in which we described the pleasures and pains of being a nana from the points of view of over 1,000 Australian grandmothers. We had so much fun writing that book, meeting many enthusiastic grandmothers, reflecting on our own experiences and reading the research of others that we decided to plunge in again.</p> <p>This time around, we are researching and writing about what retirement is like for today’s modern woman. We know there will be many and varied stories out there of plans brought to happy fruition and others dashed by circumstance. We’d like to know how women are structuring their retirement years, how much planning is important, what factors contribute to a satisfying retirement and what the key problems seem to be.</p> <p>Did you know that nearly all the published research on retirement focuses on men? We don’t know whether men and women cope differently with this life change or whether they face different issues. Can you help us to answer these questions?</p> <p>Our research project (conducted under the auspices of Swinburne University of Technology and The University of Melbourne) focuses on the experiences of women aged 55 years or older, who have substantially retired from the paid workforce. If you fit that category we invite you to fill out an anonymous online questionnaire about your retirement. </p> <p><strong>The survey can be accessed directly <a href="http://www.Tinyurl.com/retiredwomen" target="_blank"><span style="text-decoration: underline;">online here</span></a> or you can like our <a href="http://www.facebook.com/womeninretirement" target="_blank"><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Facebook page here</span></a> and find the link there.</strong></p> <p><strong>Related links: </strong></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="/lifestyle/retirement-life/2016/05/free-online-resources-for-education/"><em>Free online resources to keep your mind active over 60</em></a></strong></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="/lifestyle/retirement-life/2016/05/are-you-having-a-late-life-crisis/"><em>Are you having a “late-life” crisis?</em></a></strong></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em><a href="/lifestyle/retirement-life/2016/04/spending-time-with-grandkids-keeps-you-young-at-heart/">Spending time with grandkids keeps you young at heart</a></em></strong></span></p>

Retirement Life

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New-age nanas: a guide to successful grand-parenting in the 21st century

<p>From the naughty-step to catching up on Skype, grand-parenting today is a whole new ballgame. Susan Moore – the author of <em>New Age Nanas: Being a Grandmother in the 21st Century</em> – talks to Over60 about the ins and outs of grand-parenting now.</p> <p>So you’ve got a gorgeous new grandchild – or one on the way – who you think is the best thing since sliced bread. And you cannot wait to be a part of their life. Although, it’s not always that simple. You have to be careful what you do and say. You’re no longer in charge, your child and their spouse are – and deferring to their rules and wishes isn’t as easy as you might think. This is only one of the many conundrums grandparents today are faced with.</p> <p>This day in age, it’s quite common for both parents to work which means mums are looking to return to work sooner than generations past. As a result – sometimes because of the high cost of childcare – grandparents are looked to as part-time carers. But with new parenting styles, like the naughty step and timeouts being popular these days, coupled with there being a world of new gadgets to navigate, like iPads as TVs and Skype, grand-parenting duties can be taxing. So how do you talk to your kids if you’re feeling overwhelmed?</p> <p>Emeritus professor of psychology and author, Susan More, says that when it comes to grand-parenting, you have choices. “Thankfully, most grandparents have choices in the way they grandparent,” she explains. “From sitting back and admiring how well their children are doing as parents right through to being an active and engaged source of childcare.”</p> <p>When professor Susan Moore and her co-author – emeritus professor Doreen Rosenthal – began researching their book, they wanted to know what grandparents were thinking, feeling and doing with their grandchildren. “We asked these Australian women questions like ‘what’s the best thing and the worst thing about grand-mothering?’” Susan told Over60. “Most of those we surveyed and interviewed were overwhelmingly positive about their experiences; the love they felt for their grandchildren had given many a new lease of life. In fact, in response to ‘what’s the worst thing’, many said ‘nothing’ or ‘I don’t see them enough’.”</p> <p>Susan is quick to say that today’s world is more complicated than it once was. "In most young families, both parents need to work,” she explains. “Young women are keen to return to careers but often feel torn and guilty about leaving their children in the care of others.”</p> <p>The research conducted by the two professors found that families feel it a great comfort if it’s the grandparents who can help with care of young children. “If grandparents can help out, everyone benefits. But there’s no point in being a martyr and feeling resentful,” Susan says. “It’s important to work out what you think is a fair thing and discuss it with the family.”</p> <p><strong>Here are professor Susan Moore’s tips on ensuring you’re comfortable with your grand-parenting situation:</strong></p> <p><strong>Make the effort</strong><br />“It’s a great joy to be involved in a grandchild’s life. Many grandmothers we spoke to said that being a grandparent made them feel younger and gave them a new and more enthusiastic perspective on life. It’s a way of strengthening family ties and mending fences if that is needed.”</p> <p><strong>Negotiate</strong><br />“Some of you have likely reached the age where you were hoping for some ‘me time’, with travel plans and personal interests to follow up. New parents can have expectations that do not align with what the grandparents had in mind! Time spent with grandchildren needs to be negotiated.”</p> <p><strong>Be prepared</strong><br />“It helps to talk about these things even before the grandchild is born. Be positive and enthusiastic about the role you want to play in your grandchild’s life; make suggestions early about the kind of commitment you believe you can fulfil and what you don’t want to do. In other words, it’s good to set limits before they become an issue.”</p> <p><strong>Don’t make promises</strong><br />“Don’t promise too much at the beginning. In the first flush of love for a grandchild it’s easy to get carried away. Be realistic – you can always offer more later, but it’s hard to cut back once you’ve made a promise because the parents will have arranged their work life around your commitment.”</p> <p><strong>Set time limits</strong><br />“Put a time limit on your offering. This might be along the lines of ‘I’ll try it for three months then can we see how it’s going?’, or ‘I can do that this year, but we’ll need to talk again next year because my work commitments will have changed/I have travel plans/whatever’. A time limit offers you the option of change and somehow helps remove that ‘taken for granted’ feeling that some grandmothers can experience.”</p> <p><strong>Have a back-up plan</strong><br />“You will get sick some times, or have an urgent commitment. Like everyone else, you’ll probably want a holiday from time to time. Discuss this with the parents beforehand so everyone knows where they stand and a back-up is arranged.”</p> <p><strong>Assess your energy</strong><br />“Caring for a toddler when you’re over 60 is a very different matter from doing so when you’re 50. Your energy levels have changed and so have your reaction times – you may not be quick enough to stop her/him from eating the dog food. The sort of care you were able to give your first grandchild may not be possible 10 or 20 years later when the last grandchild is born. Discuss this with your family and let them know in as many ways as you can that it doesn’t mean you love the last one any less than the first. The grandmothers we spoke to were very keen not to show favouritism; especially those who remembered what not being the favourite felt like when they were children.”</p> <p><strong>Advice. Don’t give it</strong><br />“A wise grandmother told us ‘keep your mouth shut and your arms open’. Times have changed, so have fashions in child rearing, sometimes for very good reasons. Even if you don’t agree with the parents’ methods of discipline or what they feed the children, or how they ‘hover’, grandmothers we spoke to recognised they were not the ones doing the parenting. Advice, no matter how well meaning, is likely to be resented, unless it’s asked for. If you want to discuss these issues with a parent, do it subtly and with a cool head, and be prepared to compromise.”</p> <p><strong>Keep up with new gadgets</strong><br />“Learn how to manage those pesky child car restraints. You’ll also want to keep up with the new technologies so you can Skype the grandkids and keep up with the ones who are travelling in their gap year.”</p> <p><strong>Talk to other grannies</strong><br />“It’s helpful to chat to other about what they do and how they cope – it broadens your perspectives and gives you a forum for sounding off if things don’t always work out how you’d like.”</p> <p><strong>Enjoy it!</strong><br />“It’s a new and exciting phase of life, a chance to have new experiences and grow as a person. Make the most of it.”</p> <p><em>New Age Nanas: Being a Grandmother in the 21st Century is available now</em></p>

Family & Pets